4 Bad Live Action Netflix Anime Adaptations I Would Make if They Paid Me

on November 13, 2017 by

4 Bad Live Action Netflix Anime Adaptations I Would Make if They Paid Me

After watching the live action Netflix Death Note movie, I realised something. Live action western remakes are great, and I should get more involved. Here are 4 bad live action Netflix anime adaptations I would make, and how I would ruin them.

 

 

Naruto: Battle for Ninja World (Naruto)

Nathan and his Grandpa Jerry

 

How I would badly Americanise it:

His whole life, Nathan “Naruto” Rutokowitz has felt like he hasn’t been able to fit in. Growing up in an American suburb, he’s always felt more at home running through the nearby forests than playing with the other school kids.

 

 

It turns out the old grandpa he lives with, Jerry Chi, isn’t his real granddad, but that he was left in his care mysteriously as a baby. A ninja named Kakashi finds Naruto, and tells him only he and the nine tailed fox that lives inside him, can save the ninja world. By strapping on a ninja head band and shouting “believe it”, Naruto is able to see portals between the human world and the ninja world.

 

To save the world, Naruto and Kakashi must defeat Orochimaru, who will only spend 5 minutes in a human form, and the rest of the movie as a giant snake with no speech.

 

 

The big name stars I would blow half the budget on:

Kakashi would be played by Nicolas Cage, in a similar way to how he acted in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. In addition, the Nine Tailed Fox would be voiced by Eddie Murphy, but he’d take a pay cut just to be involved with the project. Orochimaru will be played by Bendedict Cumberbatch, and he will provide motion capture for the snake.

 

Welcome to Hero School (My Hero Academia)

 

How I would badly Americanise it:

Set in an America where most people have super powers, the elite “Hero School” (located in a futuristic New York) is the best place to get a hero education in order to become a superhero. After a PR disaster involving a poop supervillain causes the greatest superhero, All Might’s (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson), popularity to dwindle — he’s advised to take on a teaching position in order to rekindle fan adoration.

 

But while Hero School attracts the most gifted students, All Might is shocked by how stuck up they are, and how they don’t know how to loosen up and have some fun. All Might must befriend the kids to help them reach the true potential he sees inside of them, and he awakens his true teaching talents. Through many hilarious scrapes and situations, All Might trains his class up to win gold at the National Hero Sports Festival.

 

 

The big name stars I would blow half the budget on:

As already mentioned, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson would play All Might, who is always muscular in this adaptation. The principal would be played by Jim Rash (the principal in Community). Fellow teacher and old time friend, Eraserhead, would be played by Jim Parsons (Sheldon Cooper in Big Bang Theory), who will be surprisingly good in the role. Tom Holland will play Midoriya, but will not have a large part.

 

Enchantment (The Ancient Magus’ Bride)

 

How I would badly Americanise it:

Jude Law and Emma Stone star in this enchanting tale of romance between an ancient magician, Elias (Law), and his apprentice, Chise (Stone). They investigate mysteries, but the action never follows them outside of the grounds of the English cottage estate where they live. Instead, with many time skips, we see their relationship progress over time.

 

Of course, it’s an exaggerated, stereotypical version of the idyllic English countryside. This is prime Oscar season bait, and the ties to the source material will be non-obvious in most of the marketing.

 

“Acquiring knowledge is good, but you need experience as well”.

 

The big name stars I would blow half the budget on:

Primarily a two-hander between Law and Stone, Dame Judi Dench will also voice the house’s fairy landlady, Silver. In addition, Ruth (Chise’s familiar) will be voiced by Donald Glover. Law will briefly appear in human form, but will spend most of the movie acting with a complex prosthetic horned skull mask.

 

Einstein’s Gate (Steins;Gate)

Ryan activating the time machine.

 

How I would badly Americanise it:

Tom Cruise stars as genius underground scientist, Ryan Olivers, who has discovered a way to send messages back to the past. On the eve of the celebration of his successful experiment, a mysterious organisation bursts into his lab and murders his wife and children.

 

Barely managing to stay alive, Ryan sends himself back to the past, where he must constantly battle the clock to try to unravel the mystery and save his loved ones before time runs out, through many bizarre alternate worlds and repeating events. I guess a bit like the film Source Code.

 

Ryan boarding a moving subway train.

 

The big name stars I would blow half the budget on:

This is a non-stop action thriller starring non-stop Tom Cruise. Who plays anyone else? I don’t know, and neither will the audience. Strap in.

 

Death Note (Death Note)

 

How I would badly Americanise it:

In Seattle, high school student Light Turner encounters a notebook marked “Death Note”. He is visited by the death god Ryuk, who tells him that he can cause the death of anyone he wishes by writing their name in the book, as long as he knows their real name and face. Ryuk coaxes Light into testing it out on a bully. The bully is decapitated in a freak accident shortly afterwards.

 

That evening, Light is compelled to write down the name of Antony Skomal, the man who killed his mother in a hit and run. Skomal dies in a similar freak accident at a restaurant as chokes to death. Ryuk explains other rules of the Death Note, including the ability to control the actions of the victim for up to 48 hours after their name is written before they die.

 

Classmate Mia Sutton asks Light about the Death Note, and he demonstrates how it works. She encourages Light to use the Death Note with her to rid the world of criminals, improving the world together. They decide to work together under the guise of a god they call “Kira”, using the book’s coercion powers to have their victims reveal this name to the world.

 

 

The big name stars I would blow half the budget on:

Willem Dafoe will headline as the voice of Ryuk. Nat Wolff, an ex-Nickoledon star and twice star of John Green book to movie adaptations, will play the new version of Light. On top of this we’ll get the upcoming Lakeith Stanfield into the mix too, to do great work with a badly written role.

 

 

Oops, guess that last one was already a thing?

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