Love poems to my videogame crushes
on Feb 14 by

Love poems to my videogame crushes

‘I’m in the mood for love!’ – as I’m often heard whispering, to complete strangers at my local bus station – before scurrying away sideways like some kind of disgusting crab. I’m also in the mood for a little Valentines stupidity – thanks to that Senran Kagura Valentine e-card doing the rounds.

 

 

So, yeah… here we go then. Love poems to girls I kinda fancy from videogames.

 

Chun-Li-spinning-bird-kick

 

CHUN LI

My first-love of gaming.

When 12, you came to me.

Wrapped in gold and silver

underneath my Christmas tree.

 

You slotted nicely in my SNES

and, while sucking on some candy,

I’d make you Spinning Bird Kick.

just so I could see your panties.

 

 

misty-poem

 

MISTY

Oh Misty, Misty!

Kanto’s watery strumpet

You’re my favourite piece

Of Pokemon crumpet.

 

I dig your sideways pony tail

Your denim hot-pants are a vision

If I take this any further,

I’m gonna end up in prison.

 

Amy Valentine Poem

 

AMY

Surprised to find her on this list?

So okay, she’s not a human.

She’s just a furry pink hedgehog

with a massive red weapon.

 

but once I read some fan-fiction,

and found myself erect -

‘Amy going nuts on Tails’ -

where she bludgeons him to death.

 

 

princess-daisy

 

PRINCESS DAISY

Your sister’s much more famous,

of that, we can be sure.

But it’s always you I’ve fancied -

my thoughts are quite impure…

 

 

We play a sport of some description,

but I really don’t care what -

for it’s your sporty little shorts and skirt

that really get me hot.

 

 

bayonetta

 

BAYONETTA

Actually, to be honest -

all that sweaty skin-tight leather?

Woven up from witches hair?

I think I’ve gone right off her.

 

And guns? On her legs?!

Is she fucking insane?!

‘Take your boots off in my bedroom, ma’am’

‘before you blow out both our brains!’

 

Samus

 

SAMUS ARAN

Those years ago, when I was you young -

life was oh-so simple.

I never really dug you much -

you were just a bunch of pixels

 

But all that sky-blue lycra,

get’s my heartbeat kinda frantic!

I’ll take a can-opener to your Chozo suit

so we can get romantic!

 
This feature was brought you in association with Google Image Search and ILJG who runs the I Love Japanese Games Facebook Page.

His views are definitely not those held by Rice Digital or it’s partners.