6 Pokémon I Wanna Mess Up: Why Are These Bad Boys Not in Pokkén DX?on September 13, 2017 by Oscar TK
Pokkén Tournament DX is bringing the previously Wii U console exclusive game to Nintendo Switch, adding in some extra characters. With 21 characters it’s a decent showing, but with 800 to choose from, some are getting left out. These are the bad boys/girls that are missing, who I want to mess up.
Like many people, from the day I first walked into Route 5 in Pokémon Red and laid my eyes upon this small, blue creature I’ve always wanted to mess it up. I’ve always imagined how it would feel to grasp it by the leaves upon its head, and just smash it into the ground. Back from whence it came.
What would that feel like? It’d be like smashing a cabbage. A bony cabbage. Or like splitting a watermelon, Japanese style.
I will never big game hunt. I think hunting animals for sport is cruel and immoral, whether it’s illegal to hunt them or not. But that all goes out the window when it comes to video games, as my top rank in the leaderboards for every single Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts proves.
Forget a sequel to the safari tour-esque Pokémon Snap. When I want to hunt I want to take on the big boys in life or death situations, not pose for a magazine centrefold. That’s why I want to get my Machamp or whoever else to mess up a Rhydon. Just get stuck in. So I can put this digital rhinoceros on my mantelpiece.
Remember those lava centipedes in The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker? Like Macargo, they were rock-like. Hitting them would cause them to curl up into a rock ball, which could then be destroyed.
Something about the brittle cracking of those monsters was extremely satisfying. And it’s an experience I want to see brought over to the Pokémon universe via putting Macargo into Pokkén. It’s a game that needs to seriously think about upping the crack factor.
I don’t even really like berries, but if I see a pile of them under a tree you just know I’m gonna have to get on my knees and start rooting through them for pick-ups. In the Alola region, more often that not, doing this is going to get you slugged by one of these smug idiots in a surprise attack.
These are surly crabs with boxing gloves for claws. They’ve wasted my time way too much in Pokemon Sun & Moon, to the point where I want to teach them a lesson in stunning, real-time combat. You wanted a fight? You got one.
It’s just a fact of life: the taller and thinner something is, the more you want to snap it in half. Chopsticks? Snap. Pocky? Snap. My nan’s new curtain rail she imported from Germany? Snap. So it’s only natural that upon revealing this slender, long-necked Alolan form of the classic Exeggcutor, that I want to just really get involved with what’s going on there. Timber!
Ditto, taking the form of me
I don’t know how it would work, but I want to fight a ditto that takes my form. Not the form of the Pokémon I’m playing as, but me. I’ve always wondered why Ditto don’t do this already. Surely it would offer a masterful psychological advantage in a Pokémon battle to force a trainer to command their partners to attack themselves.
To be honest, I have no idea how I would match against myself blow by blow. And honestly, that’s what excites me the most. Trust nobody, not even yourself.