How to Romance Your Waifu This Valentine’s Dayon February 13, 2015 by Dan Carter
February is a red month. You know, the colour of blood… I mean, love. Which also means that Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, ready to expose our collective crippling loneliness and leave us with an overwhelming urge to hide away and play video games in a dimly lit room for the entire weekend.
That said, everybody should be able to get involved in the holiday of romance, regardless of relationship status. No real life significant other? No problem! All you need to have the most exceptionally romantic weekend ever is your waifu and knowledge of anime and video games, providing you with more dating knowledge than the Capturing God himself. It’s time to spread the love: infectiously, like a disease. I’ve detailed the perfect otaku Valentine’s Day for you, in detail, so that you can prepare to spoil yourself and your waifu like nobody else can (or will, ever)!
7.00 AM: Wake up, before recoiling in horror at the realisation that midday is still more than 2 hours away. More sleep is most certainly the only solution!
10.00 AM: Much better. Of course, today should start off in a positive and productive manner, which means Love Live: School Idol Fiesta! Because your thoughts are almost certainly on other more important matters, you’re unfortunately not going to Full Combo any songs. Or even complete them. On normal.
10.15 AM: Now it’s time to help out your adorable waifu. She has a few…existential issues with carrying out her Valentine’s Day duties, which means you’re making homemade chocolates filled with all of her true feelings for you! Be sure to act surprised because she put in a lot of effort!
11.00 AM: Sorting out what could become a major issue comes next. Your room; look at it. Would you be happy bringing any (real or otherwise) female in here? Dust and wipe down those surfaces, vacuum that floor, pick up that trash, hide those ero-manga in a safe place (no, not under your bed). This space needs to be fit for a generally capable member of society!
12.00PM: At this point, you’re becoming aware of the fact that you’re going on a date with your waifu tonight and you may just be getting a little nervous. Or more likely, an 11/10 on the nervous scale. Something is required to help settle those nerves a little bit, to put you at ease. Video games, visual novels, anime and maybe a volume of manga or two; that should help matters immensely. After all, you have hours until you need to get ready for your date at 6.30…
6.00 PM: After snapping out of your audio-visual stimulus overload induced trace, you realise that you’re now officially running late. Panic! A hasty check of the alarm clock makes things clear: there are a grand total of 30 minutes to get ready. 1800 seconds. Make it count. Unfortunately there’s no longer enough time to bathe but there shouldn’t be too much of a problem, it’s not like you haven’t showered for a week… right?
A good choice of wardrobe is always an exceptionally important component to any successful date, and one with your waifu is no different – in fact, now it’s even more paramount. You’ve got to make the right choices to ensure that you’re looking like the cutting edge of suave and sophisticated. You don’t have a suit? That Hatsune Miku T-Shirt will have to be a stand-in for now. No trousers? There’s a really long pair of boxers over there that could most likely pass off as shorts.
Perfect. You. Look. Fabulous.
6.25 PM: Everything’s all slotted into place, somehow. You’re ready. Next up on the agenda is to move on over to the bed to pick up your waifu hot date. I’m sure she will look absolutely gorgeous – she’ll definitely have put in extra effort to look good for you! Maybe she’s even using a new, softer foam stuffing.
Dinner will be like something from the cheesiest shoujo manga, and you’ve spared no expense; tonight your and your waifu will be fine dining on premium cup ramen with extra soy sauce. So fancy it hurts! Before you take the plunge and prepare for what may well be one of the most memorable nights of your life, though, take a look at the Rice Digital Top Waifu Date Tips! They’re sure to ensure that she’ll be head over heels for you by the time the evening is over.
TOP WAIFU DATE TIP #1: At some point make sure that you serenade your waifu by singing the opening to her anime. Even if you’re completely tone deaf, she’ll appreciate the disservice you just did to her show!
TOP WAIFU DATE TIP #2: Whilst walking, always hold her hand. Or failing that, her head. It’s not like she has any right to complain or anything, I mean, she can’t exactly walk by herself.
TOP WAIFU DATE TIP #3: Don’t let her drink. You most certainly don’t want your waifu inebriated early into your hyper affectionate evening together, as it’d make it much harder for her to appreciate the metric ton of effort you’ve gone into for her sake! Not that she could anyway.
TOP WAIFU DATE TIP #4: Bring some Pocky. Playing the Pocky game is a key factor in any Valentine’s Day date to bring the doki doki’s. Try not to let the crushing sorrow get you too downhearted as she stick breaks upon contact because she doesn’t actually have a mouth. Bah, logistics issues.
TOP WAIFU DATE TIP #5: Photosho- I mean… snap lots of commemorative photographs with your waifu. In New York, Paris, London, and the restaurant! You can even do it all from the comfort of your own home, for a casual and accessible adorable moment together.
With our foolproof date tips you’re certain to have your waifu swooning over you by the end of the night. Right?
11.59 PM: You cry yourself to sleep.
On a more serious note, Valentine’s Day is a time for spreading the love, regardless of your relationship status. If you don’t have somebody you want to give chocolates to or go on a date with, then give some to your family, your friends – show those around you that they’re loved and adored. They’re certain to appreciate it. That’s certainly what I’ll be doing, if of course I can distract my girlfriend from her husbando for long enough. Here’s hoping!