Sexy Halloween Cosplays & Revolting Videogame Rhymeson October 30, 2015 by I love Japanese games
Good old Halloween, where children take to the streets looking for cheap alcohol and intercourse with their peers on park benches. It’s also that time of the year where I feel compelled to google image search sexy Halloween cosplays for my annual gallery. Only this time things are different. This time I’m DRUNK!
See, sexy Halloween cosplays just aren’t enough for me anymore. So, armed with a bottle of vodka that’s been sitting in at the bottom of my freezer for the last month – I’ve decided to supplement these sexy halloween cosplays with some truly revolting, no – horrific – videogame rhymes. Just as I did last year.
Just how filthy can I go? Will Rice Digital revoke my posting privileges? Let’s see shall we…
Ashley Graham- Resident Evil 4
Our date begins! Ashley’s rocking knitware.
She’s a girl-next-door type, so I pay her bus fare.
We go to Nandos – she likes the Grilled Halloumi
but as the evening ends, she gets kinda gloomy…
‘…what’s up?’ I ask. ‘Why so unhappy?’
(I hit up google to call a Taxi…)
‘It’s just… ‘ she says, a little cautious.
‘…I, think you’re… really, really gorgeous!’
‘I just don’t want this day to end.
Oh, ILJG – won’t you… be my boyfriend?’
Well, DAMN! This was not my expectation…
…after years of humiliating rejection.
I walk her home, the night is fine.
She lets me in, we drink some wine.
And then, a twist of fate so cruel –
…and a proposition MOST unusual.
She hitches up her skirt of tartan.
I feel my crotch begin to harden.
‘But first! she winks, her tone sarcastic.
she hands to me a square of plastic.
On it’s surface, seven sliding tiles.
‘A little test’ she slyly smiles.
Solve it? Then get your body ready…
But if you fail? I’LL HURT YOU PLENTY!
Prinny -Disgaea Series
Oh flightless bird in blue,
I’d really, really love to do you!
Our bodies close, we’d be as one –
man and penguin! What a union!
Intoxicated by netherworld sulphur
I’m imagining your feathery vulva –
tight and warm like a rubber ring
in ecstasy, you vibrate your bat-wings.
My heart! It now begins to quicken –
when I realise you taste like chicken!
My wandering hands get kinda clumsy –
not gonna lie, I’m REALLY hungry.
And now the fear as you realise –
it’s no longer LOVE behind my eyes.
I tape up your beak so you can’t argue,
and grill you hard atop my barbeque.
Luigi – Luigi’s Mansion
As a child, I must confess
My behaviour was never quite the best.
My parent’s brand of discipline
was to take a hammer to my shins.
I’d lie in bed at night, in pain.
Immobilised, I daren’t complain.
As I lay there crying, wide awake –
to calm my nerves I’d masturbate.
Then !BANG! one night the door flies open –
With such great force – the hinges broken!
The LORD can see you! FILTHY CHILD!
Your genitals have been defiled!
My mother, raged and grabbed her phone.
‘An Excorcist, required at home!’
‘This demon child! He makes me sick!
I caught him yanking on his dick!’
So furious and raving mad,
she telephones Professor Gadd.
‘I have a son of FOUL UNCLEANNESS!
Please suck the DEMONS from his PENIS!
And so it was Luigi came –
(in vacuum cleaning, he is trained)
The Poltergust – my one true saviour,
for my disgusting, deviant behaviour!
But the Poltergust’s designed for ghosts.
(What happened next is kinda gross)
Through my cock – with ungodly suction
It hoovered up internal organs!
Intestines, limbs it sucked them all –
Liver, kideys, lungs and balls.
The latter cased a brief obstruction –
which caused the vacuum to malfunction.
It sprayed my blood all up the walls
across the carpet and down the halls.
My mother freaked and ran – but slipped,
as gushing viscera drowned the bitch.
Princess Peach – like, LOADS of Mario games and stuff on them Nintendos
There is one thing that I just HATE
When going out on random dates.
Girls who talk of nothing else,
than how they loath their douchebag Ex.
I went for dinner just last week.
With this rather stunning beauty, Peach
She kept banging on, how long ago
she’d dated this guy, Mario.
Turns out he was a total weirdo –
he thought himself her one true hero.
Always trying to have her rescued.
No matter where she went there was no refuge.
Then one day she’d had enough.
She told herself – ‘I’LL. FUCK. HIM. UP.’
She spent some cash to hire muscle –
then lay in wait inside her castle.
Mario came bounding to the door.
Her guards, they pinned him to the floor.
Peach – now changed from her nice pink gown,
was dressed in black, her face a frown…
‘Seriously, what is your problem!’
I gotta say, her rage was AWESOME!
She yanked down hard his dungarees.
until, at last, his balls were freed.
And from her drawer she took some scissors
and in his mouth she jammed her slippers!
Now, muffled screams began to come
as she went to work on his hairy plums.
Slicing hard through skin and gristle
she cheerfully began to whistle.
A tune from Mario – Level One…
…she fists his scrotum up his bum.
Monokuma – Danganronpa
Last year I shared a tale of woe.
(my insatiable crush on waifu, Junko)
But THIS year’s tale is a lot more ghastly.
Seriously. This one’s FUCKING NASTY.
To attend my school is to be truly privileged.
You’re only in if you’re proper gifted.
I don’t like to boast – but why be discreet
when you’re such hot shit between the sheets?
That’s right ladies, I’m a sexual dynamo!
I’m more delicious than a chocolate gateaux!
My gyrating hips push pleasure further,
I’m so damn good, I get away with murder!
Fortuitous – for in this messed-up school,
to graduate, you must obey one rule.
No lessons – not a a single class is taught.
Just kill your friends and don’t get caught.
So with my carnal charms I seduce the students,
then KILL THEM ALL for my amusement.
I hack, chop and stab without a rest
I enjoy the blood and ripping flesh.
And when I’m done, alone and panting,
from behind I hear the sound of laughing.
A black-white bear from the shadows, races!
A look of lust on his two-tone faces!
“KUMA WANTS TO FUCK THE WINNER!”
He jams me up against a printer!
He’s way too strong I can’t escape –
the only outcome here is rape.
As his robotic member penetrates,
My rectal wall disintegrates!
Blood and fluids mixed with shit
They mingle with his robot circuits!
Robotic dicks and human poo?
You’re never meant to mix the two!
My screams are heard from down the road –
as with one final thrust – MY ASS EXPLODES!
sometimes I disgust even myself…